Wounded Warrior ⚔️

The biggest flex is healing and not becoming like the people that hurt you

Photo by Dayo Adebayo

Understand that if you’ve been hurt and you haven’t healed, you’ve unconsciously been apart of the hurt people, hurt people cycle. 

What you deserve is what you desire, and all humans intrinsically desire love and connection. Read below for how to get back to the feeling of love and connection.

How to heal: healing 101

Face your pain and hurt head on

Put your hurt down right in front of you and look at it. Accept the wrong doing that was done upon you and see it for what it is. Acceptance or allowance is the opposite of resistance and requires MUCH less energy. Almost paradoxically, allowing the pain instead of hating, avenging, suppressing or pushing it away will make it disappear. Feeling it fully to heal it is a part of the healing process. Avoiding it forever is impossible because it will always be reflected to you one way or another, which is how resistance requires more energy than acceptance and allowance.

Express yourself: speak your truth

A necessary pre-action step is speaking your truth. It is a form of release therapy. The importance of this step is to process pent-up energy, pressure and negative emotions. This step could be used to vent and release anything that you might be feeling inside otherwise you risk boiling and building up like a pressure cooker, which will inevitably explode! Unexpressed emotions manifest as imperfect action which can look like an angry outburst, temper tantrum or worse...

Many people get stuck on this step, and the suppression of negative emotions create blockages in many other areas of life. Emotional blockages show up as dysfunctional relationships, bad work situations, financial sabotage and essentially settling for less than what you deserve. 

If you feel stuck in any area of life: Mindset, relationship, physical appearance, money or anything else, you are blocking the flow of abundance in that area with suppressed emotion. You MUST clear that blockage with some sort of therapeutic expression (Physical, emotional, meditation, inner child healing etc.). As a fitness professional, I will attest that physical therapy alone is not enough. It’s a temp bandaid, feel good solution. Excessive physical therapy is a societally acceptable addiction, but an addiction never the less. I recommend seeking full expression, even outside the gym. The goal here is not to pursue feeling good, but rather get to the root of not feeling your best.

Therapy is a pre-action step that is necessary to clear the path to seeing the opportunity towards taking right action. Don’t put the cart before the horse - is a popular saying I believe.

Express yourself: writing release 

Writing is a powerful form of expression towards creation. In this case, we are creating a brighter future and looking forward to greener pastures. I suggest writing in a physical notebook with a pen or pencil over note creation using your digital devices. Writing allows you to explain and REFINE your thoughts and ideas to others. Your first draft is never going to be your best draft, but it is a necessary start to gathering the ingredients for your healing potion. 

Express yourself: send the text

In some cases, it’s probably not the best idea to send the text. For example, your sexual abuser might not deserve your letter. However;

1. Practice forgiveness, always

• Forgiveness is for your own health and healing; not saying what was done to you is ok. If you were hurt by someone else, forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time. Forgive them for your own peace of mind, then just trust God will vindicate you.

• Forgiveness is easy if you can take accountability for the part you played in getting hurt. Did you ignore red flags? Have you hurt other the same way in the past? Did you defend yourself when you were abused? Answer these questions honestly and rather than being triggered, forgive yourself for not being stronger when it happened. Learn your lesson and do better next time. Doing better is easier than repeating painful cycles! Stop chasing pain and choose to heal, which is a continuous process.

2. Change your mindset, put yourself first

• Give yourself the love you so desperately want to be given by others. Invest in yourself first to fill your own cup. Fill it until the cup runeth over, then maybe you can share. There is nothing more attractive than someone who gives themselves everything they need. #SelfRespect #SelfLove Allow the disappointment you experienced to make you a stronger, better person. Use that as fuel towards your desires.

• Change your perspective on why things happened the way that they happened. What lesson was there for you to learn? Lessons are learned through pain. Not always, but usually.

3. Trust in God, not people

• Human nature is not pretty, sorry to break it to you. You can ignore reality, but you can not ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. Now, if you want friends, you must accept that no one is perfect and you might have to forgive some wrong doings sometimes. It is still up to you to love yourself and choose not to tolerate less than what you deserve. Debate your equals, learn from the wise and teach the rest.

In my experience, I have made the phone call to someone I loved who did me wrong and expressed how I felt without demonizing them. This is not about blaming, shaming or seeking pity but rather expressing yourself. Most often than not; people just do not know better! Anyway, I healed a 20+ year relationship and now we communicate openly and effectively and I do not feel like a victim.

In summary, you must face your pain and demons head on. Defeating the demons unlocks your blessings. Your demons aren’t even that scary if you are willing to stare at them and see them for what they really are. They are things like unfound fear, insecurity, ugliness, shame.. pretty much nothing you want to associate with your best self. Break the cycle. Keep a positive mindset, forever!